Spiritual Intrusion
Being Present with Love: Respecting Others’ Pain and Boundaries
"Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak."
— James 1:19
Are we always comfortable with the idea of tact? Or do we sometimes lean toward a more direct approach, thinking, I’ll just be myself, without worrying too much about how the other person might feel? Yet even our well-intentioned words can sometimes touch sensitive areas without us realizing it.
Conversely, some comments—seemingly harmless—can deeply wound us, exhaust us, or provoke disproportionate reactions. I am not speaking here of those moments when we are simply irritable or overtired and know why.
Let’s take a moment to explore those instances when, often unintentionally, we fail to perceive the emotional signals of others or to adjust our communication accordingly. It can happen to anyone—out of habit, haste, or simply because we have not yet learned to read those subtle signs.
Behaviors to Recognize
Lack of emotional intelligence: We miss non-verbal or emotional cues indicating that a topic is sensitive or that the other person is uncomfortable. Our conversation moves forward without considering the emotional impact, creating unease and fatigue.
Psychic intrusion: This happens when someone invades another's mental space without respecting internal boundaries—asking rapid-fire questions, jumping from topic to topic, especially revisiting painful past experiences the other would rather leave behind.
Communicative acting: In some pathological forms of communication, speech is no longer an exchange but a tool—someone speaks at you to act upon you (dragging you back into the past, imposing their pace), with little genuine concern for relationship.
Absence of symbolic mediation: Without an inner "third party" to regulate speech, some people cannot pause, listen, or recognize others as distinct subjects. Everything becomes immediate, raw, fused together.
Why Does This Happen?
Failure to symbolize: According to psychoanalysts like André Green, some people struggle to organize their thoughts before speaking, especially under emotional pressure. Words then burst out unfiltered—not out of disrespect, but because interiorization takes time and practice. This can, unintentionally, create confusion or exhaustion in others.
Communicative acting: As mentioned, some speech becomes an instrument rather than a dialogue, aiming to force reactions rather than to foster mutual understanding.
Absence of symbolic third party: When someone lacks internalized regulation, exchanges lose breathing space. There is no psychological "room" for each person to simply be.
The Effects
When we are forced to manage both our emotions and intrusive solicitations from others, the mental exhaustion can become severe.
What Does the Bible Say?
The Bible does not propose a model of brutal interventionism in the name of truth. On the contrary, it repeatedly calls for an ethic of speech and presence.
Being with someone on their journey of faith requires humility and respect—acknowledging that the other person, made in God’s image, is neither greater nor lesser than oneself.
Consider these passages:
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15)
The call is not to correct or explain, but to share the emotional state of the other, consenting to their inner timing."A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench." (Isaiah 42:3, echoed in Matthew 12:20)
God Himself is described as one who does not crush what is fragile. We are called to honor the hesitant or emerging journey of another with that same gentleness."Bear with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2)
The Greek verb here (ἀνέχεσθε) doesn’t merely mean "tolerate" but "carry," implying that we honor the unfinished, fragile parts of others, recognizing that they too are carried by God.
These texts remind us: we are not called to manage others’ spiritual growth.
We are called to be present—to carry, to respect what we may not yet understand.
Thus, spiritual intrusion, even when well-intentioned, is a violation of love: it disregards the complexity of the other’s path, and tramples what God might be quietly nurturing in secret.
Clumsiness or Intrusion?
It is easy to forget: when we speak about faith, practices, or spiritual demands, we are not dealing with inert material.
We are addressing persons—believers or seekers—in relationship with God, called to grow according to a rhythm that is not ours.
Spiritual intrusion often happens without malicious intent—for example, when someone, convinced by their own experience, seeks to guide another in deeply personal aspects of spirituality.
Without realizing it, they may wound tender areas or disrupt a fragile process still unfolding.
What if we began by simply listening and respecting the other’s pace—waiting for an invitation to walk alongside them?
Why Do We Feel Entitled to Intervene?
Several unconscious reasons often explain this behavior:
Misguided good intentions: We may genuinely want to help or share, assuming our intervention will be welcome.
Cultural or community norms: In some religious environments, intervening in others’ spiritual lives is seen as a duty—sometimes based on a misinterpretation of texts encouraging mutual correction (e.g., Matthew 18:15).
Correcting perceived errors: Some feel responsible for pointing out deviations from their understanding of faith or morality, even without being asked.
Acting without invitation: They believe the Scripture authorizes direct intervention, assuming their correction is an act of love or responsibility.
Imposing their perspective: A rigid reading can lead to ignoring relational or emotional contexts, neglecting biblical calls to humility and gentleness.
This approach is problematic—even from a fundamentalist standpoint—because it:
Ignores the condition ("if your brother sins") that presumes a clearly identifiable wrongdoing, not just different spiritual practices;
Neglects the spirit of private, respectful reconciliation intended by the text;
Overlooks broader biblical calls for humility, listening, and honoring the other's fragility (Romans 12:15; Isaiah 42:3).
Lack of boundary awareness: Some people project their needs onto others, assuming readiness where there may be none.
Power dynamics: Sometimes, the impulse to "help" masks a need to control or affirm superiority.
Failure to recognize the other's autonomy: Some fail to see the other as a distinct subject with their own timeline and journey.
Cultivating Tact (Respecting Boundaries)
To avoid spiritual intrusion and embody a loving, humble presence, here are some practical steps inspired by Scripture:
Practice active listening: Before offering advice, truly listen. Ask open questions like, "How do you feel about this?" and let the other guide the conversation. (Romans 12:15)
Watch for non-verbal cues: Notice signs of discomfort—averted gaze, silence, change in posture. If you detect hesitation, pause and ask, "Is this a good time to talk about it?"
Seek permission before intervening: A simple "Would you like me to share a thought?" respects autonomy and prevents intrusion, reflecting the spirit of Matthew 18:15.
Pause before speaking: If you feel an urge to intervene, ask yourself: Is this necessary? Is it requested? This helps regulate speech, maintaining respectful space.
Learning to Set Boundaries
If you feel overwhelmed by unsolicited questions or advice, you can gently say:
"Thank you for your concern, but I need some time to reflect on this."
This protects your psychological space while maintaining respectful relationships.
In Conclusion
The danger is immense: believing we are helping, enlightening, or correcting—when we are, in fact, exerting power over the other.
We forget: the other person is not our project, nor our primary responsibility.
They are someone whom God accompanies along invisible paths we do not know.
Rushing them, pressuring their choices, demanding transformation—that is not our calling. It is, in fact, usurping God's role—and it can wound, sometimes deeply.
Speaking about faith, practices, and spiritual demands requires immense restraint—not out of relativism, but because God's work is fragile under the weight of our judgments.
Respecting others is not softness; it is a refusal to resort to violence—especially when we claim to act in the name of truth.
